Meet "Cherry Meltdown," a softserve sundae that's a top-10 choice at a popular local ice-cream--er, softserve stand. I ate about two-thirds of it for supper, telling myself "it has calcium," and wondering "What is 'softserve' anyway?"
Softserve is packaged powder with a little liquid milk or soybean oil, whipped to incorporate air and chilled right there in that stainless-steel box with the faucet that ripples out your ice cream (er, softserve). That's why you never see trucks unloading milk or ice cream at what we still call ice-cream stands. Legally softserve cannot be called ice cream because it contains no cream. "Ice cream" is "frozen custard" with air whipped into it. "Frozen custard" is the elite version of ice cream and the most expensive, you'll notice.
Advantages of softserve: 1) It's not so cold that it gives you ice-cream headaches. 2) Because it's up to 60 percent air, it has fewer calories than ice cream. 3) Dairy-intolerant people can eat it if they want to. 4) It's cheap.
Disadvantages: After learning what is in softserve, you won't want to eat any except in the gravest extreme, like, say, you're spending three months in a submarine. And you'll want the toppings even less.
"Piehole" in Midwestern means "mouth," as in "Shut your piehole." Preferably we shut it on some tasty home cooking. We love to grow, market, buy, cook, bake and grill so we can feed our faces, chow down, pig out, scarf & whatnot. I'm a born Midwestern home cook posting foods and recipes that show up in front of me, because like all Midwesterners I eat what's put in front of me. Pull up a chair. What can I get you?